Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
