the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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