He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
