If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
