first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
