I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
