Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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