Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
