By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize