Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
