i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
