it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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