dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
