this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
