I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
