So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize