I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
