she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I look better un-naked...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
