He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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