I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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