You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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