Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize