Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
