Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
