OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
