Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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