Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
