i think my tv is drunk
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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