you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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