Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
