I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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