Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize