i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
