i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize