The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
