i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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