First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
