dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
