White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
