She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
