I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize