these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
