I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
