i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
