where am i from again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
