I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
