Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
