my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
