Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
