I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
