There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize