I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
