I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My vagina just clenched in fear
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