so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
