grandma shit on top of the toilet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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