Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
