we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
