Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
