im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
