please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
