I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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