Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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