So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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