pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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