I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
