no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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