Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
