Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
