I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
