question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
