I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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