we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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