Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
