....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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