i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
