I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
