you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
